Will my life ever break for me??

This is a question I ask constantly. I'm in a terrible rut and have been for seemingly ages. I mean I just cant find a way to be happy or feel good about myself. I mean its been a tough life, a tough go of it for years now. As you may or may not know, my grandparents started to take ill in the year 2000. My grandmother, who was 80 at the time had stomach cancer surgery. I think the surgery was only to be for a couple of hours but literally took all day. In 2001, in fact it was the first week college football was being played after 9/11, my grandfather collasped at the Yale/Cornell game. So, in essence,  my plate was full helping taking care of them. Taking care of my grandmother who made out of surgery and my grandfather who had quadrouple bypass surgery is a lot to take but I kept going.

In 2003, my grandmother had a case of Yellow Jaudice. In fact she was rushed to the hospital the day we toppled Saddam's statue in Iraq.  My grandfather died in 2006 and my grandmother died in 2010. Throughout those 10 years,  my life wasnt my own. You know I tried to do everything for them. I got there mail, there medication, helped them when they had doctor's appointments, threw there garbage out, went grocery shopping with them and lots more. I did what I had to do.

Now we fast forward to my grandmother's funeral in 2010, where I see my father. Up until that day, I hadnt seen my father in over 10 years. I dont know what happened but it was like he vanished off the face of the earth. There are reasons how it started but I wont get into that right now. Well, anyway, he shows up. Here I'm thinking that I'm going to have some sort of relationship with the guy and after about a year(?) of having communication with my mother and myself, he just disowns me again. I mean, in some circles, I guess you would call him a "deadbeat dad."  I dont know what I did to deserve being treated like that but it is what it is. I've phoned many times but get no response. Sent cards and whatnot but still nothing. Its like he wants nothing to do with me and frankly from a financial standpoint, I need his help, so right now, pardon my french, but it really sucks.  So basically, its really my mother and me.


Now for some of you who know, my mother has to have hip surgery. She had to postpone it because she had to go back to work and doesnt get paid for sick time. Right now, like I mentioned, I have no job or money. I'm just very disgusted with the way my life turned out.  I didnt think it would be this bad. I'd like to know if there will ever be an end in sight? I mean its just one thing after another. You know the old saying "when it rains, it pours," yeah, by this time, I'm pretty much drowning. I dont have a social life, per say, as I understand people have lives and responsiblites of there own. Believe me, I understand that. You have no idea how much I understand that.   There are days where its harder than others. I mean all you do is work to pay bills. Thats not a life, thats existing.  I just hope my life gets better sooner than later.